toothbrsh's Xanga

Death by Coffee + Stress

Thu, 23 Mar 2006 13:01:55 GMT

I am so dead. I'd probably be the first to die of stress related illness in SMU or overdose of Kopi 'O Ti Loh Siu Dai (Extra Thick Coffee without milk and less suger, without mixing water) and Red Bull (2 bottles).

And I'll be attempting almost something I've never done before. Do the entire group project report myself and hand it up in 12 hours time! Why? Simply because the rest of group mates did nothing! Oh wait, they did something. Appendix 1: Questionnaire, they made 3 questions out of 34 (the rest was obviously done by me).

I was once asked myself, if it is possible to do 6 modules in SMU without dying. At week 12, the answer is NO!

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Thu, 02 Mar 2006 15:38:31 GMT

www.singaporegovt.blogspot.com

Friday, February 10, 2006

Fri, 10 Feb 2006 15:54:40 GMT

Why Guy Cheat and Women Cry?

Firstly, it has been several months since I last logged into my Xanga. Probably, I’m at the final stages of “Blog Amnesia.” For a moment, I almost forgot what my username and password was. If you are wondering, yes, I cheated on Xanga. Somewhere out there, I’ve got another blog but that one is totally non-personal. Almost like having a blogging affair!

Looking at the past year, it seems like more and more couples are breaking up or cheating on each other, especially in SMU. By the way, the longer I stay in SMU, the more foreign I’m feeling. For every passing year, the skirts seem to be shorter and the girls seem to be more and more liberal. SMU, the “Americanized pedagogy of teaching” and SMU students, “the Americanized liberal attitude spillover?” Somehow, such stuff got me to think about why men can’t stop looking at women and cheat on their girlfriend while women wear extreme short skirts and makeup but hates people staring at them. SMU is more and more like a huge flirting ground filled with raging hormones. Why do men cheat and women cry?

It feels like an awfully strange phenomenon especially when I’m entering into my 7^th year of my relationship with my girlfriend (no seven year itchiness if you are wondering!) and after witnessing my grandparents’ more than 60 years together. So, why do men (and women, may I add) cheat? I think there is two possible answers (in using a nerd’s term, it is hypothesis) to this.

Rational Love = Irrational Breakups?

In the new age, we are surrounded by more and more temptations. Compared to my grandfather’s time, he probably only saw around less than 500 females during his teen years, while today, we probably seen no less than a 500,000 females thanks to media and the internet. The level of artificial temptations generated by media and internet is exponential high. At the back of our mind, men and women tries to justify why they should stick to their same spouse rather than seek for more beautiful or handsome creatures. After all, Sex and the City and sitcoms like Desperate Housewives said it is fine to cheat on your spouse!

I’ve only saw the first episode of Sex and the City and found a new term about guys: “Having sex like a man”. Basically, what this term means is that having sexual intimacy with your opposite sex and stranger with no emotional attachments. This is probably sometime most men can do and most women can’t do. This term also means that men are jerks that are ruled by their hormones while females are just emotional beings ruled by their hearts. When men cheat on women, it doesn’t mean that they don’t love their wife or girlfriend. It is just filling their “long journeys” with little thrills and spills. Yes, men are jerks.

Rationalizing love = Breakups?

If you are not a man, pretend that you are for the moment. Coming home to your spouse or girlfriend and found that she is most easily irritated by the slightest of things (in your own opinion) and even though it is not your fault, you are often at the receiving end of her rage. “Hell had seen no fury like women scorn.” And you begin to see her faults, her true temper, her erratic personality and her ugliness. Would you wonder to yourself, what happened to the loving and beautiful woman you once loved and got attached to? Would you wonder to yourself after a long and hard day’s work, why you have to put up with such emotional unhappiness facing endless pouting faces, grumblings and scolding for the slightest things you do or did not do? And you finally start to wonder why you have to put up with all these emotional torture. If you look hard and long enough, there are definitely better tempered women and prettier women than the one you are facing now. Perhaps, these are some of the question men faces everyday or contemplated before the decided to breakup with their partners.

When breakup occurs, men, no matter what the state of events is, will always be deemed in the wrong. Yes, many men are jerks, but not all men that break up are jerks. With all the hard work in the office and the worries of the men, coming home to an angry face is just as bad as it comes. We always like to think that we are always right but we are not and we have to accept that we are not. Sometimes, but not all the time, women are to be blamed too.

But in a very skeptical and sadistic tone, I think relationships are just a matter of mutual accommodation and acceptance. We all have faults, both men and women. If we see beyond the faults and still love each other, I think half the relationship is won. Every time after an argument, if we kept asking ourselves the questions that I stated above, breakup will eventually happen. Thus, my thoughts are that if you try too hard to rationalize your relationship to maximize your own utility and satisfaction, the more likely you will experience breakups. The best way, but a torturous way, just endure and don’t even consider the very notion that you can love someone else, other that your spouse or girlfriend.

In my 6 years plus of relationship with my first and only girlfriend, I can’t say that is always rainbows, butterflies and love. It is compromise that moves us along. Sometimes I do wonder about the questions that I asked earlier. In fact, today, I have thought about these questions again when my girlfriend displayed her ugliness again. Perhaps it is the hazard of her vocation as a teacher that led her to have this assertive and corrective tendency. But I am not her student. For 6 years, I have tried not to think about these questions but there are times when you are push to think about it and temptations from elsewhere pull you to a crossroad. Maybe I’ve did well enough to be labeled as a “closed-economy” by one of my friends for keeping a distant with any female friends. All closed-economy maybe pushed to open up the economy by internal and external factors.

Anyway, I didn’t intend this to be a long article. Neither do I want to ponder if my girlfriend now is the “one” for me. All I need to know is that I still love my girlfriend but hope that (rightly or wrongly) I would not be forced or tempted to ask myself the questions again. Valentine’s Day is three days away; let’s just hope there will be less breakups in this world.

Saturday, November 19, 2005

Sat, 19 Nov 2005 03:14:12 GMT

Just heard from my dad, that the doctor advised for my grandpa to have a heart operation. This is to correct his faulty vulve leakage. It is not immediately necessary but this would improve his current condition and even prolong his health and life. However, this is a major operation and risk is present.

My dad was asking me of my opinion as he is in a dilemma...so am I now...all I can do is to pray to God for an answer...

Friday, November 18, 2005

Fri, 18 Nov 2005 02:33:43 GMT

My grandpa is feeling better now...Thank God!!!

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Tue, 15 Nov 2005 13:04:44 GMT

Mixed Emotions: Worries, Happiness and Stress

Maybe ever since I stopped blogging, I’ve been hiding more emotions within myself. This year and in particular, this term, time just flew-by without a notice. Like any others, there are both the positives and negatives.

This term is the first time I took 5 CUs (curriculum unit) of modules, one more than my usual. Tiredness, busyness and added stress are not foreign to me or any other students in SMU. But perhaps, this term, I might just have overdone it. If you take this term (from July to now) and the yardstick of one CU module (equivalent to proportion of time and commitment) this is probably my schedule for now.

Malay Class (July-Aug, once a week) - 1 CU

School modules (Aug to present) - 5 CU (but feels like 6)

YP/Petition Writing (since 2003, Thurs) - 2 CU

YEC (Since 2003) - 3 CU

CC Opening Souvenir magazine (Sept) - 0.5 CU

Community Excellence Programme (since June) - 2 CU

CCC (since 2004) - 1.5 CU

Branch, committee (since 2004) - 1 CU

Organising GRO retreat to Bangkok (July) - 2 CU

Other Grassroots involvements - 3 CU

Grassroots “emotions” and “firefighting” - 3 CU

Driving (Aug to Nov) - 2 CU

My beloved girlfriend J - 5 CU

(but I should spend more time on her, because she is the most wonderful thing that ever happened to my life!)

My grandparents (ever Saturday) - 3 CU

(but I guess I should start going more than just one Sat each week…see below)

TOTAL - 34 CUs

Anyway, this just goes to show where I spent my time on. Or rather, how lifeless I’ve become. I don’t remember myself going to pubs with friends nor spending time do things at leisure but I guess this is a choice which I made and enjoy living it this way. In life, and at our age, we have a choice: go to pub and have a good time, or just spend it “differently” on what we believed it. I just chose the path less traveled by…

In reflection under positive light, I guess I’ve accomplished more than what I thought I could managed. And more recently, I’ve obtained my driving license (yes, I’ve succumbed to “wheels of conveniences”) and more fortunately, I passed it the first time. It was really luck, God’s blessings, my gf’s support, my driving instructor’s teachings and my mum’s money that helped me on. Spending $1,200 of my mum’s hard-earned money really pains me, but thankfully, that is all I’ve to spend. Just have to repay her overtime when she is older and needs my support. J

Today, it’s really a bucket of mixed emotions for me. Unfortunately, my grandpa has been warded into hospital. For the past month, he has been telling us that his organs are simply failing him. He has heart problems for quite a while, but recently has some fainting spells and blood circulation problem (due to his weak heart, which led to blood clots on his legs). In addition, he is feeling slight depressed all the sudden.

Aside from my gf, he is the closest person to me, even more than my parents. Yes, understandably he is 84 years old this year and probably hasn’t got many more years within him but I just can’t bear the thought that should he passed us one day. Since birth, he has cared for me and was never the authoritative figure but the caring grandpa that was always relevant to youngsters like us. We watch soccer together, eat together, laugh together…and he has taught me more about being true to myself than any other person. In so many ways, I am just like him, only exactly 60 years apart. The lessons of life that he taught me, always be true to everyone, enjoy the simple things in life and be appreciative about the smallest of things really made me the person I am today. I just hoped and pray that he would be well. I was glad in a way that every Saturday (since I was born), we have spent it with my grandparents. I know I will miss him when he gone but I just hope I can spend more time with him. Last night, I prayed that I wouldn’t mind giving up two years of my life just for him…

Sorry for using “I” so often, but just need to voice out the emotions from within…

Saturday, October 08, 2005

Sat, 08 Oct 2005 04:02:29 GMT

My Disappearance

Ooooh, the posting of web blogs for Xanga looks so different now. It just goes to show how long since I last posted an article or even a single word.

Just two updates from me:

1) I'm still alive! (marginally)

2) I got screwed by the Second Major Thingy...Apparently, for second majors across faculty, I need to take 8 modules instead of 5 of that major. That made a lot of sense especially when there is only around 5+ political science professors around! And they are always teaching the same module. So where the heck am I going to find so many modules to take when there are only few of them. Even if there is enough modules, it means that either I can't get my second major unless I take 6 modules next term... Of course, I'll be SMU first idiot (maybe not the first but maybe an idiot) to take 6 modules instead of the average 4.

Conclusion:

Never thus bureaucrats to make rules. Stupidity will prevail.
SMU is truly different, they don't screw you in the beginning, they screw you in the end.
I should never trust the system (OASIS) to say that I only need to take 5 and later that number changed to 8.
If SMU wants to distinguish themselves and be "different" from NUS and NTU, why do they still keep employing ex-NUS and ex-NTU administrators? Oh ya, that is because they know how to do the same thing to be different...duh!
Am I getting too old and too senile to numbers wrongly?
Dun be ke keang (aka act smart) and take second majors across faculties.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Tue, 19 Jul 2005 05:52:51 GMT

Can’t Blog No More!

These couple of months, I just can’t find myself blogging on anything interesting. My life has been pretty boring and just can’t find the impetus to blog. I was surfing around and poking my nose at other people’s blog to see if their “blogging lifespan” is similar from mine. Blogging Lifespan?

Stage 1: Extremely enthusiastic, blog and surf every 2 days

Stage 2: Just write on some thoughts and happenings of the weeks, once a week

Stage 3: Don’t bother writing, maybe just reading other’s blog

Stage 4: Blogging Amnesia. Forgot your own blog address and passwords

I think I’m at Stage 3 going to Stage 4. Anyway, I think that blogging is about you and being true to yourself. Far too many people are taking on an altered ego or persona when blogging. Writing for fame, attention or the lack of? That shouldn’t be it. It is like writing a personal diary which later you pass your diary to someone to read. Then, you sudden start writing to the readers instead of writing it for yourself. A few simple blogging question to question on your true identity:

1) Go read your very first article; it is any different from your most recent article?

2) If there is a change, is it for the better or for the worse?

3) Have other bloggers’ writing style affect you in anyway?

4) Do you write or post pictures just to increase your eprops rate and viewership rates?

5) Are you the same person as before?

6) Are you keeping the principles of blogging? Writing for yourself or for others?

Maybe we all are suffering from a blogging identity crisis. Nonetheless, always remain true to yourself and your love ones. On another note, I just found myself more and more addicted to my girlfriend, Meilin! This is our 6^th year together and I just seem to love her more each day…

- End of mushy stuff -

Thursday, June 30, 2005

Thu, 30 Jun 2005 02:03:58 GMT

One More Month to the City

22 August 2005, the day where SMU starts the new term in the city campus. Call me nostalgic but I would always prefer the old and cozy Bukit Timah to the new and swanky city campus. Let’s have a prediction on the things we are going to encounter at the city.

Day One: Students are late for classes as they are lost in the maze of buildings.

Day Two: Projectors that doesn’t display, tablet PCs that malfunctions, student’s matriculation card that can’t access doors and professors using gadgets that make them look dumb.

Day Three: Students complaining that food in the new campus is too expensive.

Day Four: Female students found new excuses to buy more clothing. “Keep up with city campus’s image.” An action which I condemn! We are here to study, not catwalk.

Day Five: Increase in the (growing) population of SPGs in SMU. (No punts intended at the sarongpartygirl.blogspot)

Day Six: Students who drives to school complaining that the carpark fees are too expensive. (Then don’t drive to school, duh….)

Day Seven: Group Study Rooms overbooked again! Damn freshies!

One Month Later: Students don’t want to partner females for project. (Always late for project meetings as they are still shopping at Suntec.)

Students don’t want to partner people who drive to school. (Always late and have the excuse of car park full!)

Two Months Later: SMU becomes the student fashion capital of Asia. Females will think that they are at the catwalk or fashion display of the costliest clothes per inch of cloth aka scanty and expensive clothing.

Three Months Later: SMU Management decides to announce another increase in school fees. Students grumble, activists protest, NUS/NTU laughs and it time for me to go home and sleep.

Four Months Later: Fort Canning Park Management complaints SMU students making out at their park without cleaning up the mess.

SMU blames the overbooking of group study rooms even at night! Cheapskate students who wants city residence and don’t want to pay.

One Year Later: Time for me to leave the madhouse of the City Campus to join the money-mad Singaporeans in the financial world of madness.

Two Years Later: Miss the schooling days and wish to return school.

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Tue, 14 Jun 2005 00:06:02 GMT

What Do Civil Service and Bangkok have in Common?

Yup, I agree, it is kind of a tacky header. Right now, I'm stuck in my armless chair at "one of the Ministry" doing my second internship. Still find it hard to believe that I turned down another internship at a bank that pays me $400 more (maybe that they have chairs with arms) for this one. Reason? Since I gave my word to the Ministry before the other bank, I thought I should stick to my word. And I'm an arm-chair critic of the civil service and it wouldn't be fair for me to criticize them without knowing their structure. Btw, you can see that I'm kind of excessive using the word "arm & chair". I'm eyeing one of those chairs of my colleague.

Anyway, back to the question. What do Civil Service and Bangkok have in common? Cynics might argue that both have "whores", social one and those who sold their lives and souls to the Ministry. But that is NOT the answer. Actually, I think the answer is misconception.

When I was at Bangkok about a week ago (for a grassroots retreat), it did change my prior perception somewhat. Before my trip, I thought Bangkok was a sleezy place, with streets filled with criminals, whores and drug addicts. Gladly to be proven wrong. Instead it is a vibrant metropolis, with wonderful people and shopping heaven for tourist. Granted, the streets are quite dirty and a true blue Singaporean found it difficult to throw a piece of litter on the streets since there are no dustbins. And this silly old true blue Singapore carried the litter to the hotel and dump it into his own room's dustbin. Nonetheless, I think it is a wonderful place to tour and shop.

Next, the civil service. I'm attached to probably the most misunderstood department of the whole civil service. Without naming the Ministry (but it will be very obvious is a minute), the department that I'm at working at promotes pro-family values to Singaporeans of different age group. Yup, that includes the much-criticized marriage & parental education. Whenever, the government persuades people to marry and have children, they are always criticized for being too intrusive and authoritarian. That's the department I'm working at.

MISCONCEPTION! I'm sure that one portion of the population simply thinks it is a conspiracy theory by the government to lace messages into media and have full control over them to brainwash Singaporeans into marrying and have children. But that is not the case. The Ministry do not have control over the media, and negotiating with them can be a headache. The media companies always make themselves high and mighty, and charge an obsence amount just to ask us to sponsor them! Ludicrous (the verb not the artist)! Bottomline, this department actively promotes pro-family values via events and stuff, and it is not what Singaporeans perceive it to be.

Next misconception, it that the Ministry is full of red tapes and stifles creativity. This statement is only 40% true. I once criticize this to an "important government official" on the many bureacracy and inflexibility of the Ministry. I'm glad that I was proven 60% wrong. There is far less red tapes than you could ever imagine and even, an intern can talk to the Deputy Director anytime! Surely there are red tapes in the Ministries but they exist for a good cause. When public funds are involved and you wouldn't want any one person to have too much power bestowing them.

Anyway, back to my armless-chair and time to start work. Just to illustrate how flexible and tolerant the Ministries are, I am currently walking around in the office without shoes...just socks...(and clothes of course!) In fact, my whole department walks around without shoes!